December 19th ~ Uh...could someone pass me the manual?

Parenting is not an easy job.

There is no way to really prepare for it, because the personalities involved differ drastically and change a lot.

So far, I feel like we've been doing a good job. Our three are happy, wonderful, people. I'm proud of them....and proud of us.

With each we have had to overcome unexpected, stressful, medical issues, but nothing compared to what other families have had to cope with.

Our oldest is about to turn 13.

He is a really great kid, cares a lot about other people, is sensitive, observant of all things going on around him, and he is self-inflicted perfectionist. When he was in kindergarden, his teacher recognized that trait, and encouraged us to be cognizant of the pressure he places on himself...and to celebrate his work that isn't perfect and to not OVER-celebrate ever "A" grade. She explained that he is already putting enough pressure on himself, and that we should work to help him find success and happiness in a job well done...regardless of the grade. Her words were right on. She pegged him perfectly.

"A" is now entering his teen years. We still struggle with helping him relax, helping him express stress. And it is intensifying.

I feel unprepared. Like I'm not sure how to parent him. I'm not sure how to help him manage his stress levels. I'm not sure of how to keep an open dialog going when he shuts me off. I'm not sure if I need to push him to open up, or allow him to "suppress it" (as he calls it). Last night he told me that he can't tell me how he is feeling when he's angry because that always makes it worse. I'm a "talk it out" kind of person. My husband tells me I'm difficult to argue with, because the angrier I get, the more facts I have to make my point with. And he doesn't generally have "points" in his mind at the ready to argue back with. I suspect that is the same with "A". But when your teenager doesn't listen, and ignores you, and you have to repeat yourself 12 times to get a response.....who wouldn't get irked? And his response to that is what I'm not used to dealing with. The sullen, closed off silence...or tearful "I'm so stresssed..leave me alone" responses fluctuate. And I KNOW he IS stressed. And I spend a lot of time trying to help him cope with it....finding ways for him to relax......or helping him with homework....or simply trying to help him manage his time so that he doesn't drown in school work by getting behind.

Where is the manual??