March 21st ~ Biker chick

I wish this was my ass.

Who wouldn't?

But it does lead me to a story...

So, on Sunday, hubby and our kids did a "move your body" intervention on me. I'd been under the weather for a LONGGGGGGG time, and they knew that I was stressed because I hadn't been swimming in about 3 weeks. They talked me into going on a bike ride with them.

That sounds fun and easy right?

It would be for most people, I think. However, I have very screwed up knees (a congenital defect), so riding a bike is something that I don't do often. Ok, its been a few years. Like 5 or 10.

Hubby nicely spent time making sure that my rarely ridden bike was safe and ready to go, but something had happened since the last time I sat on it: I think I shrunk. (In height, doh!) It's a man's 10-speed street bicycle .....and when I stepped over the bar....I discovered that it was jammed way up my
you-know-what....(Hmm ....if I could of installed batteries, I guess it would have been fine....but anyway...) this was not comfy.

If I had better balance, was in better shape, or was more coordinated, I could have probably just stepped on the pedals, and lifted myself onto the bicycle seat..and ridden along my merry way. However, that isn't my reality. I'm a bicycle
spazz-oid.

Hubby nicely suggested trading bikes with me. His is a sturdier moutain bike, without a high middle bar. A MUCH better solution. Except I still couldn't remember how to ride a bike.

The boys were so excited that I was going with them...that they kept riding close to me. Arghhhhh! I couldn't tell them to ride farther away....but everytime they got near me I panicked that I was going to crash. I did a few times. (Ran off the trail onto a lawn or into a tree.... la la la)

We decided to stop at the local grocery store for a couple of things. The kids played while hubby went into the store and I babysat the bikes. I didn't get off the bike.

Remember that fact...

I DIDN'T get off the bike.

So hubby comes out of the store with the groceries and gets back onto his bike and takes off towards home with the kids.

I try to turn around and follow them.

Suddenly I can't seem to figure out how to ride the bike. I slip off the seat, but keep the bike between my legs....and everything feels weird. I am wedged weirdly between the seat and the handlebars.
So, I try to get back onto the seat...but now the front point of the seat is jammed uncomfortably up my ass.....which seems impossible...and yet it was happening.

SO with my bicycle-seat-horribly-wedged-ass facing the shoppers leaving the grocery store, I try to start pedaling. Everything feels wrong.

I make it around the corner of the store and see hubby and the kids......and suddenly realize that I can't find the hand breaks.
They seem to be in the wrong place. I can't stop.....I don't know how to stop. How do I get off? Arrrrrgh......

So I yelp, "HELP!" to hubby, who turns around and sees me in a panic......and tries as hard as he can not to start laughing as he rides over trying to assist me.

I realize, finally, that I somehow have the front wheel and steering wheel turned backwards...but there isn't room to just jump off.....due to the way I wedged myself onto the bike seat....and I can't make the breaks work because they are not where my hands can grasp them in my panicked state of mind!

So I crashed into the brick wall side of the grocery store to stop myself. Hubby rode up, biting back grins, and helped me turn everything back the right way.

We all made it home safely.

Swimming suddenly holds MUCH more appeal than ever before. (BTW, the corned beef and cabbage St. Patrick's Day Party last Friday night was a success. We had a great time! :) )