July 26th - I've popped my cork; whine anyone?

Someone please tell me this is just hormonal......the onset of menopause.....something......ANYthing!

I don't know if it's all me or if it's hubby too. We're like oil and water lately....which is very unusual for us. An occasional disagreement is one thing....but for the past week or three every time we speak to each other there is a misunderstanding.

He says it's me.....and angrily declared that I "need help" this morning.

Maybe it is.....maybe I do......I have no idea.

Last week we went camping with the kids to Lake Tahoe. It was incredible on many levels. The weather was perfect....we did many fun things....and that particular place on earth relaxes me like no other. Literally, I get out of the car, breathe in the scented air, and feel calm.

But even there we were nashing at each other. Not over everything....but much more than normal.

I did not want to come home. I tried to convince the family that we should stay one more day. The thought of coming back to the ratrace of home, with tackling Mount Washmore, and Karate lessons, and bills to pay without money to pay them, and the part time job I'm doing that I'm still low on the learning curve on, etc etc etc...... I just wasnt ready to come back.

But everyone else was.

So instead of just accepting that fact....I made them all suffer. Not intentionally.....but I was suffering internally over it. I felt almost desperate to not return to real life....and so my eyes kept welling up with tears....and I felt snappy towards everyone that whole last day.

I was reading Ro's blog the other day, looking at them all swimming with dolphins and thinking about how that has always been a dream of mine. In fact, in 8 years..when I turn 50....that is what I'm asking for for my birthday. I'm planning it now so we can save. But what occured to me as I was reading and looking at the pics, was that she has found balance.

I think that might be my problem. For some reason I'm out of balance in some part of life....and I can't seem to find a footing.

The trouble with that theory is....I don't know where I'm out of balance. I stay home with the kids, I only work part time, we do fun, affordable things as often as possible, I take off one weekend a year and escape with my gal pals, I'm in a bookclub I love, our kids are funny smart wonderful people, I have the world's best husband, I'm spiritual...

so what is wrong with me?

help...