June 6 ~ Temptation, Frustration

Yesterday was my 42nd Bday. Mom sent me a card that said "Happy Birthday 2 year old!" She'd sharpie'd a "4" in front of the 2.

Cute :)

I wonder how I'll feel when my oldest is 42. Or 16 for that matter.

I keep looking at my post of June 2nd and thinking that everything else I feel like writing about pales in importance.

It's true

It does.
I'll keep that family tightly in my prayers, and hope for a miracle for them.

and I'll keep writing.

42 made me think of the promises I made to myself at 41....40....39... etc

"By this time next year I'll....."

The promise is always the same, or has been for the past 18 years or so:

"By this time next year I'll have gotten a handle on my weight."

In the past week, two of my relatives have had gastric bypasses done. They are sisters. They are excited about their new beginning.

I keep thinking "Won't they mourn their food?"

I would.

In a couple of months I'll be the "fastest one"

That sounds mean. It isn't...it's true.

The sisters tell me that too in an effort to encourage me to take their journey with them

I can't

The risk is too high.

Even though the mortality rates have gotten better, how would our kids deal with "Mommy died because she wanted to lose weight"??

They'd be screwed up permanently I think. It's hard enough to not screw them up just by being a parent. I don't want to add to the chances.

Besides, I need to do this the "right way"...eat less ~ move more.

I hate eating less and moving more. That's why I struggle.

Weight Watchers and I have an intimate knowledge of each other. I wish instead of "points" and "core" plans, Weight Watchers could get into my head with the "unwarping" plan. They try. I've joined....oh..maybe 9 times. I keep rejoining because I KNOW their plan will work for me....if I could just unwarp myself.

Burger King has a poster hung on the outside of their drive thru window that says something like, "You deserve: burgers the way you like it, extra mayo, that sleepy feeling you get after being full of our crap" Ok..that isn't an exact quote....but it is VERY close. If you see the poster, you'll see what I mean.

And it's that line about the sleepy feeling that really irks me.

Because I think that's my whole problem.

That sleepy feeling from over-eating, or too many carbs, or whatever causes it, is like a drug! If I'm stressed, or over-emotional....I can get that sleepy,relaxed "i need a nap" feeling. If I'm wound up.....I can get that feeling from fast food, a box of crackers, or extra cookies....

So.....my goal this year is to break myself of the sleepy feeling from my too much food drug. I need to find some other coping mechanisms.

They've got to be out there. I just need to be awake enough in my life so I can see them.

And no more drive thrus... Bite me BK