July 31st ~ Copy Catter meow

I saw a list of personal info on Clandestine's Blog....I liked it....so I'm doing it too.

So much for being original....but I'm still nekkid! :


I have many nicknames. I love them all. It took me a long time to love my real name.

My hair is long, wavy, brunette with the occasional silver strand, and I tend to wear it in the style my daughter refers to as "princess hair" : pulled back with a pretty headband. I need a haircut.

I drink alcohol occasionally. Love good wines, make a killer Mai Tai, and sometimes a cold beer just sounds so good.

I can't stand telemarketers or sales people.

I can never find anything in my house. I lose my keys every 15 minutes.

I'm disorganized....but I'm a self-inflicted perfectionist....Yeah, it's hard for me to understand too.

I love email and the computer, occasionally go into "chat rooms," and I think the internet is one of the greatest inventions of all time.

I love water....drinking it.......swimming in it......hearing it......seeing it.

My house is messy.....but not dirty.

I'm honest to a fault and believe in "what goes around comes around" and in making your own good karma.

I believe in God and think He believes in me and I do not believe that any "religion" is the right one or the only real one or the best one. To me all are different variations of the same thing. Different expressions of spirituality all focusing on good.

I am a great cook.

I am loyal and faithful.

My kids are my greatest accomplishment, and my biggest source of stress and worry, and my greatest joy.

I LOVE sex. (Not just because I'm nekkid) I really really do.

I love bawdy humor and hate racist humor or humor at someone else's expense.

I laugh loudly, cheerfully, happily

I'm over-sensitive and and my worry button doesn't always shut off when it should.

I cry easily....when happy, sad or angry.

I love passionately. :)

July 27 ~ So I'm nekkid on a horse...what of it? :)

Hi again. :)

After my whine of yesterday....I decided I needed to add a little cheese...so to speak.

I've noticed that many bloggers have spectacular blog pages.....with links and pictures and movies and bells and whistles...

I'm obviously still a novice.. lol

So I was thinking I needed a picture for my profile....and I didn't want a "mommy" picture...because.....well.....frankly I'm so often in "mommy mode".

And I DO have a sexy, quiet, bawdy, xrated, submissive, dominating, I'll swallow, no please yes, blushing side.

It occured to me after reading a wild little list of wants on another blog....that I need to let this side of me escape more. THIS is where I was out of balance. lol

Hubby is going to be a lucky lucky man .... Sometimes life's big questions have light-hearted easy answers.
:)

July 26th - I've popped my cork; whine anyone?

Someone please tell me this is just hormonal......the onset of menopause.....something......ANYthing!

I don't know if it's all me or if it's hubby too. We're like oil and water lately....which is very unusual for us. An occasional disagreement is one thing....but for the past week or three every time we speak to each other there is a misunderstanding.

He says it's me.....and angrily declared that I "need help" this morning.

Maybe it is.....maybe I do......I have no idea.

Last week we went camping with the kids to Lake Tahoe. It was incredible on many levels. The weather was perfect....we did many fun things....and that particular place on earth relaxes me like no other. Literally, I get out of the car, breathe in the scented air, and feel calm.

But even there we were nashing at each other. Not over everything....but much more than normal.

I did not want to come home. I tried to convince the family that we should stay one more day. The thought of coming back to the ratrace of home, with tackling Mount Washmore, and Karate lessons, and bills to pay without money to pay them, and the part time job I'm doing that I'm still low on the learning curve on, etc etc etc...... I just wasnt ready to come back.

But everyone else was.

So instead of just accepting that fact....I made them all suffer. Not intentionally.....but I was suffering internally over it. I felt almost desperate to not return to real life....and so my eyes kept welling up with tears....and I felt snappy towards everyone that whole last day.

I was reading Ro's blog the other day, looking at them all swimming with dolphins and thinking about how that has always been a dream of mine. In fact, in 8 years..when I turn 50....that is what I'm asking for for my birthday. I'm planning it now so we can save. But what occured to me as I was reading and looking at the pics, was that she has found balance.

I think that might be my problem. For some reason I'm out of balance in some part of life....and I can't seem to find a footing.

The trouble with that theory is....I don't know where I'm out of balance. I stay home with the kids, I only work part time, we do fun, affordable things as often as possible, I take off one weekend a year and escape with my gal pals, I'm in a bookclub I love, our kids are funny smart wonderful people, I have the world's best husband, I'm spiritual...

so what is wrong with me?

help...

July 17th ~ Procrastination Queen

You know that ABBA song, Dancing Queen? I need to rewrite the words for me.

Procrastination Queen
Mind not clean (A good subject for another post :) )
Way over seventeen....

etc etc... lol

You see, the thing is, I got myself a job.

It's part time. ~ 5 hours a week to not be in "Mommy Mode"....

This is a good thing (spoken in my best Martha Stewart voice lol) .

But I work from home... DO you hear me??? I WORK FROM HOME!

And that measly 5 hours needs my FULL concentration...

Ok.....for those of you who are channeling Martha.....you may not understand this........but HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT GET DISTRACTED?

I sit down at the computer, cup of hot coffee in my hand, smiling to myself over what I'm about to accomplish.....and voila ~

The phone rings....

So I don't answer it, wait til it stops ringing, sign onto the computer so that my phone is busy and I won't get any calls.....and voila ~

I begin wondering about things I can look up on the web....or I see a friend I feel like instant messaging....

So I turn off my computer sounds, and go back into the field I need to be working in........and voila ~

What's that smell? Did I accidentally leave a load of laundry in the washer? Shit!

So I redo the laundry, sit back down at the computer (my coffee is cold but I try to ignore that).......and voila ~

The doorbell rings. It's the kindergarten crew looking for my daughter.....I know it....so I don't answer the door. They'll go away.

DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG

Good Lord......so I answer the door, give them a band-aid, explain where my daughter is, let them use the bathroom, give them a cup of water, let them borrow our 4-square ball, AND SHUT THE DOOR after they promise to not knock for two hours.

DING DONG

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

"What?"

"But will she be HOME in 2 hours? Do you have a napkin? We're getting a new dog. I saw Free Willy last night! My sister had McDonalds."

How is anyone supposed to work?

I need a nap.

July 14th Again ~ The Longest Week

My boys are away at Scout Camp this week.

Sunday (I hope they didn't forget anything! "Pants" wasn't on the packing list. We discovered that 5 minutes before they left. They hadn't packed any pants...),

Monday (I wrote to them),

Tuesday (I mailed them gluey, red crayon colored hearts from their sister),

(I was doing ok til this point)

Wednesday...(arggh the "Missing Them" factor began kicking in...)

Thursday....(JEEEZ how many more days until Saturday are there??)

I'm SURE they are having a blast...

and don't need me...

That's good.

Mostly.

Time is going too damn fast!

Except for this week....

July 1 ~ A Groovy Love :)

We met at a video dating service.

It wasn't that we couldn't get a date. It was a tactical decision for both of us....for different reasons.

I was at the dating service location viewing the videotapes and profiles of those who had "selected" me....and viewing the tapes and profiles of those I wanted to "select." The annonymity of the process made asking someone out, or being asked out so much less stressful. You could select, accept, or reject, without ever seeing each other. The attention was so flattering and so non-threatening ~ it was great. I'm sure most of the members felt the same way.

As I walked back to my car that day, I heard a voice behind me calling my name. I looked back, but didn't recognize the man. It was R. It took me a minute. I realized I'd just "accepted" a date request from him, so I laughed at my inability to recognize a face and we talked in the parking lot for a few minutes tentatively setting up a date for the next weekend.

When I got in my car to drive away, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the sensation that I really wanted to date this person. I can't really explain it. It was this weirdly intense feeling that came out of the blue. He was following behind me in his car as we wove our way towards the freeway going to our respective homes. When we came to a red light, I decided I had to let him know that I was looking forward to our upcoming date. I jumped out of my car, walked back to his, and said, "Will Sunday work for you?" And his surprised face smiled and said, "Yeah. How about a picnic?" I said ok ~ and he said he'd call me.

He decided to take me to San Francisco for the picnic. As we drove into the city I found myself laughing the entire time. He was charming, seemed VERY smart, and so nice.

I was thinking to myself, "He's so funny!"

He was thinking ,"I can't believe she's laughing at these jokes I've known since the 4th Grade!"

Little did he know, I'm a sucker for stupid jokes and 4th grade humor. I still am.

Before finding a picnic location, he took me on one of those 1 hour bay cruises that go under the Golden Gate Bridge. We stood on the top deck, leaned against the railing, looking at the city and the bridge, both covered in August fog, and talked.

And talked...

And talked.....

The more we talked, the more ....(jeez what would the right word for this be?).....overcome.... with the sensation that I need to know this person I became.

We had sooooo many things in common. Big things. HUGE things. It was a connection that there are really no words for.

Later, we tried to weave our way into Golden Gate Park for our picnic. He was looking for the little lake where people row boats. (Looking back on this now....knowing how he loves SF, but hates to drive in it....I can't believe we even went there. lol) We never found the lake, but did find a beautiful grassy clearing, surrounded by trees. As he set up the picnic he'd brought, I was stunned. Not only was there wine and glasses, but he'd brought gourmet baby grapes, and all of these fancy cheeses, cracker, etc etc etc.... It was the sort of picnic basket Oprah or Martha Stewart would do.

NOT at all what I expected.

He told me later that he wanted to impress me. Why? I don't know...but he knocked my socks off with that one. I'm the kind of person who's happy in a ponytail, comfy clothes, enjoys a deli sandwhich, shops at Target....and probably would even if I were wealthy. He is very similar to me in that regard, I sensed that from the beginning.....so it was obvious he'd put extra thought and effort into this. I was feeling almost giddy at this point. lol

He drove me home, left me at the door of my apartment with a promise to call.

I ran to the phone to call my sister, my mom, anyone.....I was bursting with excitement from this date.....I had to tell someone right that minute.....

But as soon as the phone was picked up on the other end, I heard a knocking on my screen door. I looked around the wall and saw R standing there. I threw the phone down with a breathlessly yelped, "Call ya back!" and tried to calmly go open the screen door.

"I forgot something," he said as he walked in the door and kissed me soundly on the mouth...

"I'll call you," he said as he walked back out the door....and I stood there dumbstruck.

Ok...it was just a kiss, right?

Except my entire body felt like it'd been struck by lightening. My legs began shaking......my body began trembling......my brain went fuzzy.....

I had to go lie down.

I am not the "Southern Belle" type! lol

As soon as I got my head screwed back on, I rushed to the phone to call my Mom. I had to tell someone this story! My brother informed me that she and Dad were out for dinner, so I asked what restaurant.....hopped in my car and drove there.

Slipping into the booth with them, I said, "Hi! I just want you both to know that I've just met the man I'm going to marry."

They laughed. I'm sure they thought I was just excited and being dramatic...

I was never as sure of anything in my life.

And I was smart enough to know better than to tell R of my revelation.....because I knew he'd have to figure it out on his own.

He did. :)

Happy 16th Anniversary, Dearly. You still give me cobwebs. Growing old with you is the greatest journey of my life.

I love you. :)