June 30 ~ Just Breathe

I'm what people think of as a postive person. I usually work hard to make sure everyone is happy, having fun, conflict free...yaddity yaddity ya....

What's happening to me?

Maybe it's an age thing. Have I become an old woman? Is 42 old?

My patience has lessened, my tolerance for ignorance has gone out the window, I'm cranky.

arghhhhhhhhhhhh

Maybe it's just been a rough week.

Did you know that if you decide to donate the organs of your loved one, they take the body away while still warm, breathing and hooked up to machines? You don't get to hear the last breath?

Not that I'm knocking organ donations. I can't imagine a more loving gift. But .... I just can't imagine....

so maybe that's why I'm cranky. My mind won't shut up. I keep imagining the things I can't imagine.

I had my 3 beautiful nieces staying with me for a few days. They are the same ages as my kids...and the 6 of them really love each other. However, after 3 or 4 days together 24/7..they all turn into lunatics.

"You said you wouldn't fight my guy! "

Uh, they are playing Game Cube.....isn't that what the game is all about?

"Time for everyone to go outside! You all need some air. Here are the bikes. Here is the basketball."

"We're bored."



They're gone now. Think it's bad that a glass of wine while sitting under a waterfall sounds good? I don't have a waterfall. I wonder if the neighbors would talk if I set a chair out on the lawn and turned the sprinklers on myself.......sipping wine.....gazing at the tree. la la la.

I bet I'll be one of those very, very old women who chews on her shawl while rocking in front of the window.... day dreaming about the waterfall...

June 25 ~ Jonathan :(

Baby Jonathan isn't going to make it :(

I got the call late yesterday...
apparently his heart stopped for a few minutes
and after they revived him
the other side of his brain began swelling
eventually cutting off all bloodflow.

There is no chance of survival.

His family is devastated...
there was so much hope even though he hadn't yet come out of the coma.
Life is so fragile

Hug your kids
Hug those you love
Thanks to all of you who have kept him in your thoughts and to those who've sent me messages. (hugs to each of you) Your thoughts and prayers have and will continue to support the family as they go through this.

June 24th ~ Barf boy

I wonder if it's a reaction to the vacinnes he got yesterday.

My 11 year old was up all night with a fever and throwing up. His arms are killing him from the injections.

Poor kid :(

It's kind of weird though, when one of the kids are sick, I notice that there is an unexpected silver lining: Those middle-of-the-night conversations.... one on one.

Even though he was moaning and feeling lousy....he talked to me, you know?

Without interruption of an older brother or younger sister....

nice.

Hopefully it's just the flu...and not a reaction. I'm crossing my fingers.

He needs some barf-free sleep time. So do I actually... lol

June 23 ~ Jonathan update

On Sunday, they were told he wouldn't survive. Doctors should never underestimate the power of a dickens.

When Mom talks, his blood pressure goes up...his feet wiggle.

When Dad lightly tickles his belly, a little wisp of smile crosses his face.

And yesterday, when the neurologist flashed the pen light into Jonathan's eyes he turned and said to the family, "He's in there. He'll make it."

:) :) :) He may have a long road of therapy to recover, he'll have to relearn to walk and talk, they don't know the extent of his brain damage...but he's in there. He will make it!

And for anyone who has seen those gorgeous long eyelashes, barely concealing the visible superhero who thrives inside of that kid.....there is no doubt!

Thanks to all of you for your good thoughts and prayers :)

June 21 ~ Jonathan

He's only 18 months old.

One of those adorable, big doe eyed, little terrors who thinks he can keep up with his 3 older brothers...

Anything they can do, he can do better...

His parents watch him like a hawk, but he slips out of their sight now and then for a moment.

We all know the type....he'll have a few scraps and stitches and broken bones before he's grown.

On Sunday Jonathan tried to climb a backyard play structure. He was on the bottom wrung of the ladder, slipped and fell backwards onto the grass. It wasn't soft plush grass...more dirt with a sprinkling of green weeds. He landed on the back of his head. He'd had stitches in that same area of his head a few months ago when he fell off of a table he'd climbed on. When he fell on Sunday he screamed loudly and by the time his Dad ran the 7 steps it took to reach him, Jonathan was unconscious.

A blood clot in his brain ruptured.

He's had brain surgery. He is in a top-notch children's hospital. He's supposed to wake up. He hasn't. PLEASE pray for him, or send him positive thoughts and good wishes, long distance Reiki, or anything you believe in... Thank you.

June 9th ~ That's Entertainment!

I have that "mooshy mommy" look stuck on my face right now.

Today was the kids' Talent Show at school. This is the only year that the three of them will be at the same school together...so they did a "group act"

:)

Sing? Dance? Instrument? you ask.......lol

Oh no....not my munchkins. A skit of course! Comedy or bust! lol

My kindergardener's best friend did it with them. It was a comedy act where the person standing in front has the arms of the person behind them. So the set of girls and the set of boys put on a hysterical 2 minute show....including putting on lipstick in the end. It was a riot. My daughter said, "and now I'm going to put on makeup!" The girls did it daintily, even with the arms restriction....My oldest son then said "Make up is for girls!" and then "No!! No!!!! Noooooo!!" as his arms (my middle son) put lipstick all over his protesting face.

The kids in the audience loved it!

So did I. :)

( I can't spell...and can barely form a complete sentence for some reason today....so ignore my typos, por favor!)

June 6 ~ Temptation, Frustration

Yesterday was my 42nd Bday. Mom sent me a card that said "Happy Birthday 2 year old!" She'd sharpie'd a "4" in front of the 2.

Cute :)

I wonder how I'll feel when my oldest is 42. Or 16 for that matter.

I keep looking at my post of June 2nd and thinking that everything else I feel like writing about pales in importance.

It's true

It does.
I'll keep that family tightly in my prayers, and hope for a miracle for them.

and I'll keep writing.

42 made me think of the promises I made to myself at 41....40....39... etc

"By this time next year I'll....."

The promise is always the same, or has been for the past 18 years or so:

"By this time next year I'll have gotten a handle on my weight."

In the past week, two of my relatives have had gastric bypasses done. They are sisters. They are excited about their new beginning.

I keep thinking "Won't they mourn their food?"

I would.

In a couple of months I'll be the "fastest one"

That sounds mean. It isn't...it's true.

The sisters tell me that too in an effort to encourage me to take their journey with them

I can't

The risk is too high.

Even though the mortality rates have gotten better, how would our kids deal with "Mommy died because she wanted to lose weight"??

They'd be screwed up permanently I think. It's hard enough to not screw them up just by being a parent. I don't want to add to the chances.

Besides, I need to do this the "right way"...eat less ~ move more.

I hate eating less and moving more. That's why I struggle.

Weight Watchers and I have an intimate knowledge of each other. I wish instead of "points" and "core" plans, Weight Watchers could get into my head with the "unwarping" plan. They try. I've joined....oh..maybe 9 times. I keep rejoining because I KNOW their plan will work for me....if I could just unwarp myself.

Burger King has a poster hung on the outside of their drive thru window that says something like, "You deserve: burgers the way you like it, extra mayo, that sleepy feeling you get after being full of our crap" Ok..that isn't an exact quote....but it is VERY close. If you see the poster, you'll see what I mean.

And it's that line about the sleepy feeling that really irks me.

Because I think that's my whole problem.

That sleepy feeling from over-eating, or too many carbs, or whatever causes it, is like a drug! If I'm stressed, or over-emotional....I can get that sleepy,relaxed "i need a nap" feeling. If I'm wound up.....I can get that feeling from fast food, a box of crackers, or extra cookies....

So.....my goal this year is to break myself of the sleepy feeling from my too much food drug. I need to find some other coping mechanisms.

They've got to be out there. I just need to be awake enough in my life so I can see them.

And no more drive thrus... Bite me BK

June 2nd - Glaring Perspective

I've been reading updates on a blog that tells of a happy little 2 yr old boy who fell into a pool and hasn't regained consciousness.

His family is praying and hoping for a miracle.

So am I.

There are moments in our lives where something happens in the world, or in the news, or to a family you've read about, and we become forever changed. Forever touched.

Maybe it's because in those moments our perspective is suddenly clear.

We are glaringly reminded of what we have,

who we love,

who loves us,

and the things that are truly important in our lives.

And the burden of stress or anxiety that we have been living under, and feeling so overwhelmed by, seems almost glaringly self-imposed,

pointless,

unimportant.

My thoughts and prayers go to little Josh and his family. They need a miracle. He needs to wake up and throw more oranges. His mommy needs to see him smile at her. Please send him your best thoughts and strongest prayers too.

June 1st ~ Wicked ....arrrrrgh

One of my most favorite books in recent years was "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West" by Gregory Maguire. I'll never look at The Wizard Of Oz in quite the same way again.

When we took the kids to the East Coast last October (for our first big family vacation that wasn't in a campground lol) I SOOOO wanted to see Wicked on Broadway! But that would have been a little selfish of me! lol For the kids' first live play we saw The Lion King....which was wonderful! (Except for the Ticket Master disaster!!...which I'll have to write about here one day after I calm down in 4 to 5 years!) It was the right choice for the family. But for me

arrrrrghhhhhhhh I still wanted to see Wicked!

Anyway, I was so excited because finally it is coming to San Francisco BUT only for 6 weeks! Jeeeez. Don't they know the whole world wants to see it? I called a couple of friends who also loved the book. We figured we'd go on a "date night" with our spouses and see it!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH SOOOOooo.... I've been trying to get tickets in the "cheap seats" which aren't very cheap. They're 40.00 a ticket! I didn't realize that I should have tried on the first day they went on sale. Now the ONLY seats that are left in that section are in the CORNER of the VERY BACK ROW in the highest nosebleed balcony.

Hopefully it will come back....or they'll add more dates.

I just don't feel like spending $80.00 plus Ticket Master's "pillage the public fees" for the worst seats possible.

Monika has a friend who works near the Orpheum Theatre in SF. We thought maybe she'd have better luck going directly to the box office. HA! It was a good thought and worth a try anyway.

Makes me cranky tho. :(

Oh well....it'll be back....or I'll win the lottery! LOL (Except, I've gotta remember to play that!lol )